Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Confession

I have to admit that my mama-to-be emotions have been flying relatively high lately.

Surprisingly, since we started our adoption journey in May, I have been very emotionally stable. There was a good balance of peace & excitement & anticipation....

This last week has been different. Something is in the air. I'm not sure if it's the holidays or what, but at any given moment, I feel like I could burst into tears. I can't even count the number of times I have thought to myself or said to Josh, "I want our baby here so much. Right now."

Don't get me wrong. I know full well that the amazing Lord has our little life well under control. I trust Him completely.

But it's still really hard.

Mothers who go through childbirth can pinpoint almost exactly the date of when they'll be holding their babies. Obviously, that is NOT the case for parents who are adopting their precious children. We have no due date. Not even a hint of one.

Adoption is not for the faint of heart.....or for ones who need to be in control.....or for the impatient....or for ones who cannot trust.

I know without a doubt that I would be a crumbled, pathetic mess if it wasn't for our gracious God.

He alone keeps us standing upright.....has everything under control.....grants us peace and patience.....is the Rock that we lean on.

Josh and I have waited so long for our sweet baby......and we will continue to wait as long as it takes.

Can you guess who will be the happiest, most thankful, most blessed parents someday?!

Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we prepare for our child. I am so thankful for you.

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him."
Jeremiah 17:7

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16 comments:

  1. Rachel, many of us here reading your blog know exactly what you mean and have seen these sad days first hand. Please know that you will get through these days and that joyful days are just around the bend.

    The best medicine for times like this is to do something special for your child. Work on a lifebook, write in a journal, shop for clothes, start that baby registry... doing something for your child will help you feel better!

    I hope that your baby blues clear up soon and that you will have your referral very soon!

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  2. Rachel, my heart is heavy for you this morning. I can only imagine all the emotions you are feeling. I will pray for peace for you today and continue throughout your process. I'm so thankful for you that you know the Lord! Praise him for that!

    By the way...I just noticed your names... Jaxon's middle name is Josiah!

    I agree with Jen - do something this week special for your child!

    Hope you have a good day! - Suzanne

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  3. i could have written this same post a few months ago! it is so hard when there is only an imaginary "due" date swirling around in your head. i laughed when you described the people that adoption is not for. . . i have some of those tendencies! i have only been able to get through this process (so far) with god's grace! and i continually need more!
    one of the things that blake and i started to do, is on the 14th of every month (the day we were put on the list) we go out and buy something special for our baby. it isn't something really expensive, just something to help me feel like it is real. it has helped and i look forward to our little shopping trips every month. i have one coming up just around the corner :).
    hang in there! i'll be praying for you and thinking about the day when we both have our little one's in our arms. . .

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  4. Rachel,

    Hang in there! The waiting is SO hard,and there isn't much to say to make it easier. Luckily, you seem like a strong and positive person, so I know you'll get through it. And I hope you can take some comfort in knowing that a lot of us understand what you are going through. The end result will be so worth it, and I think that those of us who have these challenges forming our families truly appreciate the miracle we're given.

    Try to do something for your future son or daughter and feel free to let it out any time you need to.

    Thinking of you,

    Kara

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  5. "Adoption is not for the faint of heart.....or for ones who need to be in control.....or for the impatient....or for ones who cannot trust."

    You are exactly right on. God has chosen you and Josh for this because He knows that with His help, you will come to the completion of this journey!

    Praying for you today...as you wait...and for that precious little baby.

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  6. Ok sweet friend. This is a new experience for me. Getting to know the adoption process and all that goes with it. I have a real-life friend doing this also. She is adopting from Ethiopia. I have "met" a few of you bloggers going through this. It is SO hard to hear of your longing and waiting...I wish I could just make all of you babies of your own. I think that I was meant to hear these stories. I'm meant to learn from them.
    I hear you when you say that you have no due date...I wish my words were better, know that, I am here listening and CHEERING you on. Praying for you, keeping faith and waiting to celebrate the "birth" of your new family. P.S This was pretty honest of you! ;)

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  7. I think that Christmas does highten all of our emotions. I love Jen's idea of doing something special for your little one at this time.

    Rachel @ in the Waiting & I were talking the other day about you and we wondered what the average wait was with your agency.

    Praying that you will be holding your little one very soon,

    Rachel

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  8. I am so enthralled with your story...My pastor and his wife adopted their son (who is now 14), and I am just really interested in the adoption process. Thank you for your blogs, and I am praying for you and your husband.

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  9. Praying for you today. I can't imagine how hard the waiting is, but like that old Rita Sp[ringer song says ... "it's gonna be worth it."

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  10. Rachel...I so appreciate your honesty. I wish I knew what to say...all I can say is that I know. The wait IS so hard, and especially this time of year it seems. I am praying for you today, that the Lord will bring the comfort and peace that only He can bring. And I'm praying that your arms won't be empty much longer!!!

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  11. you heart is so open to us and you are saying what i wish i would've been more open about to more people when i went through infertilty...with everyone around me pregnant.

    God's timing is perfect...I know you know that. I know that you are probably feeling very alone and isolated, too...even with your great husband & our great God. I remember feeling very alone.

    Keep trusting in Him finding ways to Him comfort you. Cry when you need to cry...let your husband be strong when you can't be...and you do the same for him.

    I remember a few years ago I was so desperate to get pregnant...it had been the first full year of trying and I started my cycle ON CHRISTMAS DAY and I was so sick! Sick physically and sick emotionally...it was a tough road...but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

    I know adoption is different than my journey but it's a similar burden. I'm praying for you!

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  12. I think everyone who has adopted has days (or weeks) when the waiting is just really difficult.

    As others have said, do something special for yourself and/or for your baby...and share what you are going through. It always helps to talk about it.

    Hang in there!

    Kristen

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  13. oh Rachel, waiting is no fun...until you receive the answer and then the waiting no longer seems so long. Praying for you as you wait and praying with you for your beautiful child waiting to come home.

    thanks so much for your prayers for my aunt!

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  14. oh sweet friend! praying for you!


    holding your sweet baby in your arms will be so precious when the time finally comes.

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  15. I DO pray for you when I think of you. I cannot imagine the not-in-your-control waiting that must take place.

    But for sure God does His best work when He's out of our box!
    (pretty tree)

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  16. Oh my friend, I love that you shared your heart with us, and I'm sorry you have had a rough week. Thank Jesus that He is there to hold us and lift us up. I am praying for you, girl...you are going to be one amazing mama.

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