Tuesday, March 10, 2009

How To Irriate a Chilren's Librarian 101

A Guidebook for Parents

Dear Parents,

The objective of this course is for you all to learn to take rudeness to a new level when dealing with librarians in a children's department.

Children's librarians truly enjoy their job. They are usually very patient and loving.....after all, they work with young children all day. Because of those facts, being persistent in your rudeness will play a key rule in your success.

Let's begin.

Lesson #1:
After you witness the Children's Librarian help 3 children find books, walk up to her desk as she sits down. Do not say hello, but instead throw a stack of books down in front of her and whip out your library card. When she smiles and tells you that books are not checked out by her and that you must go to the Circulation desk, say with a rude tone, "What DO you do then, if you don't check out books?"
This phrase is most effective if you completely ignore the stacks of books, art supplies, and storytime idea magazines that surround her. It's not as if she is preparing for a storytime that your children go to!
As she excuses herself to help a sweet young child find a Magic School Bus book, yell out, "Well, I guess I'll go check these out then!"
Wait 10 minutes until she is sitting down again. Walk up to her desk and say, "I know something that you could do. Sign my 2 daughters up for the storytime on Tuesday."
After she takes down their names while seriously considering to tell you a lie that the session is full walk away without so much as a thank you.

Job well done.

Lesson #2:
Walk into the children's department with your young son. Look around cluelessly. The Librarian will notice your confusion and ask if you need any help. Say with your rudest voice, "What, you guys don't have any movies?"
After the Librarian informs you that the kids videos are together with the grown-up videos in another section, simply start to walk away dragging your child with you. When the 5 year old begs you to look at the books, snap at him and say "We're not here for books, we're getting you a video. Come on!"

Kuddos to you.

Lesson #3:
Now that you are seasoned in your rudeness, it's time to kick it up a notch.
Come into the department with your 3 sons - ages 10, 4, and 3. Get the youngest 2 set up at the learning computers. Sit down at another empty computer and put headphones on. Proceed to ignore any attempts that your 4 year old makes to get your attention......after all, the Librarian should handle his questions.
When the Librarian motions to let you know that your son is calling for you, act completely annoyed to be interrupted. With a fake voice, tell your child "Good job", plop the headphones back on and continue surfing the internet.
Ignore your two young sons as they begin to squabble. Only when you are all at risk of being kicked out for being too loud, take off your headphones and make a lousy attempt to handle the bickering.
Go back to what you were doing.
Out of the corner of your eye, if you see the Librarian rise from her desk and race to the computer area. Ignore her.
Only turn as she snaps in the air to get your attention, and tells you that you must keep a better eye on your children or you will have to leave.
Get upset at your 3 year-old child when the Librarian explains that he was attempting to climb the makeshift tower he made out of step stools. After all, it is ALL his fault.
Notice that the Librarian is keeping a close eye on you. Your goal is to irritate her, NOT to be kicked out.
Tell your children to clean up the puzzle mess they made while you had your headphones on, but do NOT follow through in making sure that they actually do what you ask.
Gather your sons together and walk out the door.....but only 2 sons.
When the Librarian calls out to you that your 4 year old son IS STILL HERE, slap your forehead, say "Whoops", and proceed to yell at him for not following you.
Walk out with all of your children without so much as a "Good-bye".

Bravo!! You've just earned yourself an A+!


Vent over. :-)


  1. Isn't it sweet to watch small, innocent children being taught how to grow up to become rude, disrespectful adults???

  2. Ugh...so sorry you had to deal with that. But so sad for those kids :(

  3. man, that stinks for you. hopefully everyday stories like that don't happen!
    you are learning ALOT of how not to act as a parent! good training! ha

  4. Days like these give you stories to tell! I used to work at a doctor's office & some of my friends used to think I made up what happened there. People can be truly shocking, and yet, if everyday was normal, wouldn't that get boring? :D

  5. No. Way. Oh my gosh, that is INSANE!! You are a saint for putting up with that!

  6. Oh my goodness Rach! People really shock me sometimes. I can just imagine how you felt as you watch this all happen. I'm sure you were your sweet self as always!

  7. Can't believe you have to put up with that.

  8. Oh my! I hope these parents weren't on their best behavior. I'm with JoJo, I feel so sad for those kids.

  9. And sadly I also see that daily (well when I wasn't on parental leave) - it isn't just in your library! We usually have parents following their kids (who are running wile) around yelling their name, or parents who actually leave their children on the kids floor, leave, and do their business elsewhere. Argh...

  10. The sad thing is they probably think their behavior is normal and acceptable...which means they may produce children who think the same way. God guard little hearts!

  11. Wait wait wait WAIT a minute!
    There are MOVIES at the library?
    And all this time I was wasting on BOOKS!
    Now I see why my kids are so weird. They listen to us and mind! Shoot I couldn't figure out why they are so different from all the other kids. All because we've been reading to them!
    Crap, I need to find where they have these movie things! And HEADPHONES!
    Days or moments like this make me want to SHAKE said parent. Can you get in trouble for shaken parents syndrome? Just curious.

  12. Okay - even though I was laughing, I really did feel awful for those kids, as well as for you having to deal with the disrespect. But I have to say, your creative way of writing this was fantastic! :)

  13. oh wow! fun to read- sucks that it actually happens. I see it to in the dental office.

  14. It's a shame some children have poor examples to look up to. I'm sorry you had to deal with those people, but I am equally or more sorry for those poor children.

  15. oh my word......if people could actually SEE themselves and how they look.

    I'm not sure I could do that job!

  16. Yikes! Are you serious? I cannot fathom being so rude to someone who is only trying to help. Sigh...major props to you for not biting their heads off!

  17. i would be busting at the seems by the time i got home if i were you! so sorry that you have to deal with that! the worst i have to deal with is parents that bring their sick kids into the shop i work at, because they are too sick to go to school. . .um, ok, shouldn't they be at home in bed then??? and why are you exposing us to their germs?? i usually decontaminate the whole shop with a can of lysol after they leave :) .

  18. OH my. That's all I have to say about that. You deal with a lot at your job, you are one strong woman!!!!!

  19. LOL.... I can imagine.


    PS. Books sent priority.

  20. Wowie, girl. The things teachers and librarians go through.

    Anyways, did I tell you I'm adding you to my blogroll? I'm updating it.

  21. oh my gosh rachel! That is too funny! Doesn't venting make it all better?

  22. Oh my word.

    Oh my word.

    Oh my word.

    People have no clue how blessed they are to live in America where there is a FREE public library.

    No membership required.

  23. Girl, you deserved this vent. And that scenario where the mom says, "We're here for videos!" happened one time in my library, too. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

  24. Yuck... don't like rude people. Hey girl... computer has been sick and haven't got to check your blog in a few weeks. I really loved the post about the "wrong #"-what a sweet older man and isn't it great how God works. Hope we both here something soon. If you ever want to call to chat that would be great. 270-881-3935 How is your agency referral #'s going the past few months? Blessings,

  25. that is crazy...sounds like you have a library etiquette book floating around in your head! your writing style is great...find a publisher!



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