Sunday, August 23, 2009

I'm not a sprinter...

...but sometimes I think I am.

As a child I ran everywhere. My long hair swinging. Big smile. I was free and believed I was fast.

I clearly remember the time I asked my dad to drop me off on the corner of our street so that I could race the car back to our house. As I rounded the edge of our yard, I wiped out - big time - on the gravel driveway.

I'm not a sprinter.

During my elementary school years, I began to realize that I wasn't as quick and accurate as I had thought so I rarely entered the sprinting races. The longer, slower, steadier races were more my style.

I'm not a sprinter.

My plan 4 years ago was to become a mother as quickly as possible. I simply wanted to have a family. So I took off running and found out once again that....

I'm not a sprinter, but sometimes I think I am.

Our journey to parenthood most certainly has not been a sprint, but rather a marathon. A journey that has demanded us to slow down and pace ourselves. It has taught us patience and trust. It has been exhausting and hard. Oh, so hard.

There were points when I tried to sprint ahead and take over the control but I would "wipe out on the gravel" every single time.

I'm not a sprinter.

Countless times I whispered through tears, "I am tired. I am so so tired." When I was so weighed down, it was He that whispered back "I AM".

The I AM is the One who continually carries me, the One who strengthens me. The One who always proves His faithfulness. The One who offers forgiveness. The One who has been in constant loving control of our journey. The One who has blessed us with our son. The One who has planned since eternity that the 3 of us would be family.

The desire of mine to become a mother has been no secret to Him. Throughout this entire journey, He wanted my eyes to be focused on Him, NOT on just wanting to be a mom. What a perfect view He is to this sinner's eyes.


The finish line on this long road has never been in sight. Until now.

It's been over 1500 days since Josh and I were married and we are now within just a few days of having our baby in our arms. I don't know whether to laugh or cry or squeal or fall to my knees in thanks. All of the above are fitting I think.


I do know that every single mile - every heavy, exhausted step - of this journey has been worth it. As I look back and see how far the Lord has brought us, how much we've grown, how we've changed, I give thanks.
As I look ahead to our life as a family of 3, I am overcome with more joy than can be put into words.

I'm not a sprinter. The Lord knows that. And He knows better.

In His wisdom, he choose the perfect time to make us parents to our precious little child. Timing that was SO much better than mine.

Soon we will cross the finish line of this journey and instantly begin a new one with our Josiah. If that's not a sweet reward, I don't know what is.

Until then...


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21 comments:

  1. Such a wonderful post. I cried as I read it. So true for all of us who wait. Oh - and the song is so fitting for those who wait for Him to bring His plan forth. I can't wait for you to hold that baby. All the pain disappears and the healing begins.... It feels good! :)

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  2. "Slow and steady wins the race." You will be at the finish line soon!

    What a great attitude you have... it will also help you get those those sleepless nights with Josiah. I'm so glad that Josiah will be in your family soon!

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  3. The wait...oh, the wait...for us to become parents. This post is beautiful. I know...that as we approach the "finish line," it is amazing...but it is also another beginning. A new portion of our lives is about to unfold. In reference to laughing and crying...I've been doing some of BOTH this weekend. Yesterday, a song brought me to tears...all the emotions of this exciting last week...and all that is to come. Wow.

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  4. I LOVE this Rachel!! And I totally agree...I'm not a sprinter either, but luckily I have learned that He is and He will run to the end of the earth and back for me :)

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  5. What a wonderful post Rachel. You guys are always in our prayers as you finish out this journey.

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  6. Rachel - your insights are so accurate and wonderful. God has used the difficult times to help something so mature to bloom inside of you.

    I have learned so much form you.

    Keep looking to Him... I can't believe how close you are now!

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  7. Oh Rachel, this post made me cry. It is so well written and hits home.

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  8. Rachel, what a beautiful post. I have tears in my eyes reading it. This is such a true story for all of us that have had to wait in the journey to become parents. I just love your postive attitude & I can't wait for you to meet your baby boy very soon!

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  9. Is it really just a few days away?!

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  10. Hi Rachel, I am fairly new to your site. I have related so much to many of your posts. Thank you for sharing your heart with us and what God has taught you through this season.

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  11. Like many of the other commenters, I have a few tears falling down my face right now. So true what you say about waiting and trusting. And waiting...

    I read from your profile that your hubby is studying to be a preacher man and that you are learning how to be a preacher's wife. I have to say, you might just give your hubby a run for his money. Perhaps YOU should be the preacher. :) I appreciate your insight.

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  12. What a beautiful post. For those of us still waiting, it is a gentle reminder that it is the Lord who knows the plan, and it is the right plan. Thank you.

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  13. Rachel, this post is so very well written! I'm so happy for you!

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  14. What words spoken from the heart of a mother and a daughter of Christ. It put a lumb in my throat and reminded me of all the feeling I had while in the same position you are "waiting". The ups and downs, the wanting to take control..to giving control back to HIM. Oh wow, your words brought tears to my eyes. You are going to be a great mother...you already are! What love Josiah is going to feel the moment he is in your arms. I can't wait for that post! I will cry tears of joy right with you!....Next step..."the finish line". I love the way you put all of this.

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  15. i am typing through tears. so much of this post is so familiar.

    along with so many other people, i can't wait to see that baby boy in your arms. . .forever!

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  16. Rachel, I loved this post. It really hit home for me. It does seem endless at times. Some days I am so trusting that He knows the best time for us to meet her, and some days I just want to go upstairs and crawl in bed and cry myself to sleep. I am so happy that your waiting is almost over and I really can't wait to see little Josiah in your arms. It's right around the corner my friend. I'll be praying for that travel call on Monday.

    Kara O

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  17. What an awesome post. You have such a great attitude and I can't wait to see you with your son in your arms. I often think that all the struggles have made me a better parent. I know you will never take for granted the gift you have been given! Praying for good news on Mon.

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  18. I don't know how anyone could have gotten through that post without tears!! Even though I haven't been where you and Josh are, I think hearing about what you are going through has made me a better mom. It has made me really stop and think about just how precious of a gift my 3 little girls are. Not that I didn't already know it, but it's easier to take things for granted when you haven't had to fight so hard to get them. Love you guys and praying that today brings you your call!!

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  19. This is absolutely beautiful...can't wait till your little boy is in your arms and a whole new journey will begin.

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