Sunday, August 30, 2009

It is both

There is a precious 9 month old baby boy across the world who has no idea that his entire life is about to drastically change.

And it breaks my heart.

I speak so often about the joys of our adoption journey, but that's not to say that many losses don't accompany those wonderful things.

In his short little life, Josiah YeJoon already has and will endure so much. He's been separated from his birth mother and father. By God's grace, he has spent the last 9 months with a wonderful foster mother, but soon he will leave her - the only mother he knows and loves. Soon he will be taken from his birth country. Soon he will be brought to a different place with new people, smells, sounds, and surroundings. Soon he will be placed in the arms of 2 smiling, teary-eyed people that are absolute strangers to him.

And it breaks my heart.

Yet the feelings that I have do not even come close to comparing to the feelings that Josiah will feel.

Our sweet son has no clue that we are preparing and praying for him. While we are thrilled and giddy and blessed beyond measure, we must still recognize the intense losses and work through the feelings that will arise in the weeks and years to come.

We don't know how soon Josiah is going to attach to us and love us as his forever mommy and daddy. We do know that we can place our complete trust in the hands of the One who has planned our family since eternity. The One who heals and blesses.

What a perfect place to be.

Adoption is unending joys and indescribable losses.

It is both.


  1. Oh friend. Yes.

    It is both.

    And because your heart is broken over this, for him? You'll always work on his healing over his past and his losses. It's beautiful that you'll do that with him.

    He is so blessed to be joining you in life. You are lovely.

  2. Rachel, I've been thinking about this a lot lately. It's so easy to only see adoption through our own eyes as prospective adoptive parents. But what about from the baby's perspective? It's definitely been on my mind recently.

  3. And God is SO GREAT. He will be there holding you in HIS ARMS through it all!

  4. I never thought of what losses this sweet baby will have during this process...I am praying right along with you that his transition will be an easy filled with love, hope, and healing.

  5. And by God bringing you together, He not only blesses you and Josiah, he blesses the children Josiah will have and on and on.

    My dad is adopted...and I am greatly blessed!

  6. You are right; it is both.

    Adoption is a miracle full of joy and it comes with loss. I think your thoughtful, heartfelt acknowledgement of that duality will help him as he grows up with you in his forever family.

    Your post is beautiful.

  7. Oh Rachel, so true, and this post just shows again the depth of your sensitive heart.

  8. I think this was so well put. We are walking through this with our boys now.

    I feel like I'm starting to see how the Lord loves us as I love my boys.

    It has at times also reminded me of when we come to the Lord, and are adopted into His family. It is often hard to trust Him, shed the old man, walk in the love and joy He freely offers to us.

    It is both...

  9. Beautiful post, and so true.

    I pray that the transition for you and baby Josiah will go smoothly. That he will know in his heart, that you are his mommy.

    It will be a Supernatural bond.

  10. beautifully written, rachel.
    josiah is blessed to have been given a mama who understands this, and gives it thought.
    it's a difficult thing to wrap your mind around. i will never forget reading what christine's husband wrote about walking back to their hotel with spencer in his arms, just after they became a forever family.
    he wrote about how proud he was of his brave little boy, who'd been through more in his short 9 months than many people have had to endure in their lifetimes.
    we have been blessed with some amazing children, all of whom i can't help but admire, tiny though they be.
    they've certainly been in good hands.

  11. My husband and I cried at our finalization, not because we were happy for us (we were) but because we recognized the severing of her biological ties.

    We received cards from her birthmom last month, written to a child with a different name (we changed hers), from a different Mommy and Daddy.

    Adoption is beautiful but heartbreatking. It is both.

    There is a book called "Things Adopted Kids want their parents to know" or something like that. I bought it prior to the adoption, and it provided such an insight to the implications of adoption. Please don't read it and expect to be comforted though. It's hard to read, but good to know. Make sense?

    Have marked your blog to follow your story.

  12. Blog stalker walking out from the shadows to say that just you thinking about that little boy and all he's going through and will be experiencing beyond what you as parents will be going through just goes to show what an amazing mother you will be. You will be able to empathize with him like no one's business! Best of luck and so happy to see your journey coming to such an amazing end with such an amazing result.

  13. Just by acknowledging that loss, you will go far in helping Josiah deal with all he has been through. It is heartbreaking and your heart will break for him as he grieves, but the comfort, love and patience you show him will be the foundation for the unbreakable bond you two will share.

  14. I truly hope it goes well.
    It'll be tough at first. You've had all this time to get used to the idea of having him as your son and you already love him so much, but he'll need this time as well.

  15. I'm praying right now that God will prepare Josiah's little heart to see his Mommy and Daddy for the first time, and that He will comfort him as he bonds/attaches!



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