At 7:10 am every weekday morning, I carry my sleepy baby and his diaper bag out the door to our car. We drive 20 minutes across town (in sun, rain, or snow) to another home where 4 more children need my care and attention. We arrive back home at dinner time and do the same thing again the next day.
I've been a full-time nanny for a wonderful family for 4 years. They are so very dear to me. Shortly after Josiah came home to us, I began to work again.
With Josh being in school at the Seminary, it made sense for me to continue to work through the end of this final year of pastoral training. Actually it more than made sense, we needed the income that my well-paying job brought us. It was very important to us for Josh to focus on his studies and also allow time during the day to spend with Josiah. Those two things played a big role in our decision.
The family I care for was more than willing (very excited, actually!) to have me bring Josiah along with me to work. Plus, the kids are older now (school age) so I wouldn't be caring for multiple little ones all day, every day.
Was it the ideal situation?!? Umm, that would be no. However, at the time it seemed the best (and possibly only) option we had. So we'd try it out and see.
So to sum things up:
new mom. one year old baby. 4 other kids. oodles of errands. piles of laundry. crazy schedules. not much sleep. 2 households to run. etc. etc. etc.
Honestly, I'm a tad overwhelmed.
Shocking, I know. ;-)
Honestly, I have tried my very best to be the best for everyone. To be the best wife. The best mom. The best worker. Friend, daughter, and so on.
But honestly, no one got the best of me. Instead, stress did. And that is entirely, completely, so very much NOT ok with me. And doing things half-way has never been acceptable...but that was the unfortunate reality of the situation. While not every day was horrible by any means, the hard days were starting to outweigh the good days for me.
After countless prayers and a time period of trying to balance everything, it became more and more clear that this was not working out as hoped. The situation was not fair to our family, especially not to Josiah, and it was also not fair to the special family that I was employed to care for. Poor Josh, my endless supporter, had to endure whines and rants which only made him feel guilty and stressed....which made me even more upset. Yikes!
So changes are in the works! As of now, the goal is for me to cut back to very part time in the near future. I will still continue to care for the 4 wonderful kiddos, but only for a few short hours after school when Josh can be home to be with Josiah. The rest of my work hours/load will be passed on to someone else so that I can spend the majority of the day at our home with our sweet babe.
Honestly, it's going to be a huge kick in the rear financially, but that's something we're prepared for. We know the Lord is faithful and He can make this work for us. He has calmed our money fears in the past time and time again. Obviously we'll need to adjust priorities, but that is something we are more than willing to do!
In May, God-willing, Josh will receive his pastor assignment and we'll be relocating. That will mean a job change anyway....so we're simply staring a bit early! Once May hits, I can officially change my status to full-time stay at home mama. Yippee! Until then, we make it work.
So honestly, I'm feeling extremely relieved that our life will soon become less full and stressed. My priority is to be the very best wife to Josh and mama to Josiah....and I feel this turn of events can support that fully. While I'll certainly never be anywhere close to perfect, I'm excited to see how the Lord can use this change to help me be the best I can for our little family.
honestly, they deserve the very best.
P.S. I completely have a new appreciation for moms of multiple kiddos AND the dedicated, working outside the home mamas - you gals rock!
P.P.S. A new goal of mine is to blog more transparently (when I can find the time to even blog!). To be more honest about my faults and struggles. To continue to make an authentic and truthful record of our life. To give glory to God in all things - especially the hard stuff. To sometimes "let the truth be told" as the lovely Emily would say! Here we go.