Tuesday, January 5, 2010

honestly

At 7:10 am every weekday morning, I carry my sleepy baby and his diaper bag out the door to our car. We drive 20 minutes across town (in sun, rain, or snow) to another home where 4 more children need my care and attention. We arrive back home at dinner time and do the same thing again the next day.

Honestly.

I've been a full-time nanny for a wonderful family for 4 years. They are so very dear to me. Shortly after Josiah came home to us, I began to work again.

With Josh being in school at the Seminary, it made sense for me to continue to work through the end of this final year of pastoral training. Actually it more than made sense, we needed the income that my well-paying job brought us. It was very important to us for Josh to focus on his studies and also allow time during the day to spend with Josiah. Those two things played a big role in our decision.

The family I care for was more than willing (very excited, actually!) to have me bring Josiah along with me to work. Plus, the kids are older now (school age) so I wouldn't be caring for multiple little ones all day, every day.

Was it the ideal situation?!? Umm, that would be no. However, at the time it seemed the best (and possibly only) option we had. So we'd try it out and see.

So to sum things up:
new mom. one year old baby. 4 other kids. oodles of errands. piles of laundry. crazy schedules. not much sleep. 2 households to run. etc. etc. etc.

Honestly, I'm a tad overwhelmed.

Shocking, I know. ;-)

Honestly, I have tried my very best to be the best for everyone. To be the best wife. The best mom. The best worker. Friend, daughter, and so on.


But honestly, no one got the best of me. Instead, stress did. And that is entirely, completely, so very much NOT ok with me. And doing things half-way has never been acceptable...but that was the unfortunate reality of the situation. While not every day was horrible by any means, the hard days were starting to outweigh the good days for me.

After countless prayers and a time period of trying to balance everything, it became more and more clear that this was not working out as hoped. The situation was not fair to our family, especially not to Josiah, and it was also not fair to the special family that I was employed to care for. Poor Josh, my endless supporter, had to endure whines and rants which only made him feel guilty and stressed....which made me even more upset. Yikes!

So changes are in the works! As of now, the goal is for me to cut back to very part time in the near future. I will still continue to care for the 4 wonderful kiddos, but only for a few short hours after school when Josh can be home to be with Josiah. The rest of my work hours/load will be passed on to someone else so that I can spend the majority of the day at our home with our sweet babe.

Honestly, it's going to be a huge kick in the rear financially, but that's something we're prepared for. We know the Lord is faithful and He can make this work for us. He has calmed our money fears in the past time and time again. Obviously we'll need to adjust priorities, but that is something we are more than willing to do!

In May, God-willing, Josh will receive his pastor assignment and we'll be relocating. That will mean a job change anyway....so we're simply staring a bit early! Once May hits, I can officially change my status to full-time stay at home mama. Yippee! Until then, we make it work.

So honestly, I'm feeling extremely relieved that our life will soon become less full and stressed. My priority is to be the very best wife to Josh and mama to Josiah....and I feel this turn of events can support that fully. While I'll certainly never be anywhere close to perfect, I'm excited to see how the Lord can use this change to help me be the best I can for our little family.


Josiah new Christmas outfit

Because honestly, they deserve the very best.

*************
P.S. I completely have a new appreciation for moms of multiple kiddos AND the dedicated, working outside the home mamas - you gals rock!

P.P.S. A new goal of mine is to blog more transparently (when I can find the time to even blog!). To be more honest about my faults and struggles. To continue to make an authentic and truthful record of our life. To give glory to God in all things - especially the hard stuff. To sometimes "let the truth be told" as the lovely Emily would say! Here we go.





29 comments:

  1. you have a beautiful family. Glad that your seeking to glorify God in the midsts of change. he will bring blessing.

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  2. Rach-I so appreciate your honesty. What a hard decision! But such a good one for your family.

    I always say that my family should get the best of me, not the leftovers, and when I'm too busy outside the house that's usually what they get. My stress creates so much upheaval for everyone else in my family, and I have to keep it in check. I don't always do a good job of it. When am I not overwhelmed? But I try. I trust that God is going to bless this decision for your family and provide abundantly. You are going to LOVE having more time at home with your sweet baby. BTW, my baby girl loves to see pics of him! He looks just like her best friend Derek.

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  3. It sounds like you have thought long and hard for this and come up with the best solution for your family. And that's great!

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  4. God gives us his overwhelming peace when He's guiding us to a decision...i'm right there with you lady. keep following His leading!

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  5. I totally get that trying to be so much to everyone and there only so much of you to go around!

    We also struggle financially , I should work, but nothing is more important to me than raising Faith and guess what God has and does provide!

    Hang in there and for what its worth I think you are making a wonderful decision and love your honesty

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  6. Excited for you and this change. I always love reading your posts, you always make me tear up (in a good way of course). Thank you for being an inspiration all the time!

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  7. Thank you so much for your honesty. Not only are you touching those that read your blog (like me!) but I'm sure it helps you to write this out and get it off of your chest.

    Everything will work out for the best. Sometimes we just need to do what is best for ourselves and our families.

    The picture of Josiah, absolutely adorable. Such a sweetie!

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  8. Awesome Rachel!! Really... I know this was a tough decision to make. I had to make a similar decision once and it had me in tears more than once.
    I'm so proud of you!

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  9. Yay for being at home more! Congratulations! It really is amazing how the Lord provides when you leave it in HIS hands....We have been in the same boat...I mean, honestly, the math just doesn't work out...it just.doesn't. But God has been so faithful--and we have not gone without and we are current on everything!
    Our boys got that SAME outfit for Christmas :) Josiah is a doll.

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  10. I love your honesty and can relate to the decisions you've had to make. It sounds like you're arriving at a good place.

    Josiah is so cute - he looks like such a big boy. :)

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  11. Rachel, I totally appreciate your honesty. It's great. I can't imagine caring for your son AND 4 other children, wow. It sounds like you made the right decision for you and your family.

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  12. Looking forward to seeing how God works in your obedience!

    I think this is a good lesson to learn now before you head into full time ministry. Because like your job with that family, ministry will pull at you too. It's so good to learn early where your priorities are, where God wants you to be and then be able to say no (without guilt) to the "good" things everyone wants you to be part of.

    always love the pictures of Josiah!!!

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  13. Oh how our lives and decisions change when we have a child of our own. (personally, I felt it brought me closer to God) Not only because I pray minutely to him, HA! but it gave me an understanding. I was no longer the center of MY universe...my child was. EVERYTHING changes. I'm so glad the family has worked with you and realize you have your own family needs too. (I wasn't so lucky with that.) Can't wait to see where Josh is called...maybe it will be close to me?!

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  14. Rachel, I WHOLEHEARTEDLY understand and support you in this decision. Believe me when I say I know EXACTLY where you are at. We made a similar decision last year. I was the same way - trying to do my best at both and in reality only giving half to each. The Lord will bless you during this time and He will provide for you & Josh & Josiah. Praying for abundant blessings for you and your family!!!

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  15. Well, I can certainly understand why you've been stressed.
    I'm glad you were able to come to a decision that you're happy with and can look towards the future.

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  16. Wow - you rock Mama! I couldn't even imagine doing that. Of course, I'm coming at the same problem from another angle... but have yet to make a decision. Thanks for the inspiration and reminding me to just have *faith.*

    And CONGRATS on your big decision!

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  17. Fabulous. I am so happy and proud for you that you are taking steps to make life happier and better for you and your family. Many, MANY people just rest on "good enough" and I'm excited for you that you're not going to take it any more! Go get 'em tiger!

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  18. I appreciate your honesty. I too feel the same about blogging this year. Being truthful...even if it is about struggles in life. I know we all have them. I know what your have gone through is hard, but I admire your courage to stand up for your family and what is right. Sometimes as moms we need to step back..and refocus on the real things that matter to us most. I have been going through some personal struggles myself. It is nice to know Im not the only one who is not perfect..haha who is except God right!

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  19. I'm happy you have a made a decision that will be best for you and Josh, and Josiah! Only a few more months till call day, and then who knows what the Lord has in store! Love ya babe!!!

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  20. Well if we aren't going to see eachother at school everyday then we better set up some play dates for the boys:)

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  21. I'm so glad that you are doing what is best for your family - and also very jealous:)! Feeling calm and happy is important for all of you, and like you said, it will all work out with a little faith!

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  22. Wow, Rachel! I can't imagine doing that even for awhile...I babysit a two year old two days a week and that's enough for me! Anyway, I enjoyed your honesty and it sounds like you made the right decision for your family. God will provide!

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  23. love your blog and your honesty!
    -elizabeth

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  24. Sounds like it was a tough decision but a good decision for your family. You must be so tired! Taking care of 5 kids? That is NO JOKE. Congrats on your big decision, Rachel.

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  25. I so appreciated the honesty of this post. Wow - you really have had a lot on your plate! Adjusting to being a mom is a huge thing in itself, and then to have so much else going on....wow. I can see how that would be overwhelming, to say the least. I'm glad that you are able to make some changes and I know God will provide in ways you can't even imagine now. I admire you for being brave and doing what is right for your family!

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  26. WOW!! I had NO idea you were still being a nanny for that other family. I BET you were overwhelmed, tired, and completely stressed. So glad you are putting YOU and your family first.

    God will provide!

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  27. Bless your heart. Thinking of you as you hang in there for this short season.

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  28. What a wonderfully honest post. I would be overwhelmed as well. My husband just finished up seminary and I work part time (we have 2 little boys). I totally know where you're coming from with money being tight, but God will provide! He has for us!

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  29. Hey Rachel,
    Haven't left you a comment in a while. I did not know you were a nanny. I am also a nanny. However, we are now expecting and decided I needed to leave my full time nanny job. Next week will be my last. I am so sad! But I take care of 3 kids: 5, 2 and 6 months and they live 40 minutes away since they moved (I have been with them 2 1/2 years) so my husband and I didn't think it would be best for me to stay. I am so scared about the finances as well, but trusting God that He will provide and teach us to better stewards with the money that we have. We know it will be hard at times but agree it will be worth it. Love all the updates on Josiah. He is precious!

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