Thursday, August 19, 2010

thinking back

It's August and lately I've been thinking back to last August.

If you followed my blog back at that time, then you know we were close to bringing Josiah home from Korea. His Visa Interview was on the 13th and we were ecstatic to be within days of flying to Seoul and smooching our boy's cheeks! Normally the Visa is issued that same day or the next....with the Travel Call coming very shortly after.

Our case, however, was not the norm {not even close}. Josiah's Visa was not issued until the 18th....but we didn't find this out until the 21st. It was nine days of worry and wondering why on earth his Visa wasn't being approved. Even the ladies we chatted with at the Visa center had expressed their concern.

Once we knew Si had his Visa approval, we thought for sure our travel clearance would come. But, once again, we were not the norm.

Days and then weeks went by.

I was an ugly, ugly mess.

Some people, probably because there was not much else to say, reminded me to be patient. I wanted to scream because by that time I had gotten pretty good at practicing patience {waiting 4 years for a child helped with that!}....but mostly because it was not about patience anymore.

It was fear that griped me. It was fear that whispered worst case scenarios in my ear. It was fear that left me feeling sick to my core. It was fear that had me shaking as tears soaked my pillow.

We thought we had lost our son.

And there was absolutely nothing we could do. We were getting no answers from our agency because they didn't have the answers either. Our son was half a world away and as his mother I wanted an explanation. Every ounce of me wanted to get on a plane and fly to Korea and demand to know what was going on.

During that time I was in constant prayer. Prayers that Josiah was safe. Prayers that God would bring peace to my heart. Prayers that Josiah would come home. Prayers that if God's Will was for Josiah to stay in Korea, that He would bring healing to our broken hearts. Prayers of being released from fear.

Because fear is ugly and powerful and it held me with all it's might....but the peace of Jesus is stronger. And it's a beautiful. And because of that peace, we found comfort in those days of the unknown.

28 days after Josiah's Visa Interview, we finally got our precious Travel Call. Our son was actually coming home! There are no words to describe the joy that came.

To this day, we have no idea why we had to wait so long....but it doesn't matter. Si is here and we would live it all over again for him.What we do know is that last August was the hardest month of our life....but God used it to teach us and draw us closer to Him and to bring Him glory. It was a reminder in the last leg of our adoption journey that He has everything in His loving hands.

Last August, so many of you were there to encourage me and pray for us and I will forever be grateful for you.

Revisiting the feelings of that time makes me even more thankful for where we are today. We are so blessed and peaceful and happy and together.

It's a beautiful place to be.

whom shall i fear


31 comments:

  1. i still get knots in my stomach thinking back to your wait. this is a great post on patience - something that is so hard to have in the crazy world of adoption! Si was definitely worth the wait!

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  2. I so clearly remember that time for you, Rachel. I was scared for you too. I also clearly remember when you finally got your travel call and I was so incredibly happy for you! I cannot believe we are coming up on a year the babies to be home. Such joy!!!

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  3. Wow, that's a long time! I wonder how you handled it!!!
    But you saying that it doesn't matter anymore? That sums it all up. When we wait, every moment is excruciating. And once they're in our arms, all the waiting just melts away :)

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  4. I definitely remember that too, Rachel. I can't even imagine how hard that was for you and Josh. Isn't it so amazing how things end up working out, though? God is awesome, and you are such a great example of trusting Him through everything!

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  5. Beautiful. Amazing how He works, huh? :)

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  6. I remember that time and my prayers for you. I am so thankful he is in your arms now.
    Blessings,
    Amy

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  7. what a wonderful reminder about patience, faith, and the power of love. your words instantly calmed the fears i am having this evening - thank you for this post.

    i am so glad Si is in your arms this august!!

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  8. I remember and am so glad this August is much better for you! You enjoy your son!!!

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  9. I too remember your August- I know this August is so much better. Blessings to the three of you!!

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  10. 28 days? GOodness Rachel - you sure are strong! Your faith I'm sure was a real blessing at that time. So happy this August has none of that stress!

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  11. your wait was TERRIBLE! mostly just because of the unknown... so happy Si is in your arm forever!

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  12. Oh that sounds so hard. I am so happy this august you have him!

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  13. Oh I remember that! Thank you for reminding me about how God has got it together!
    (Not sure if you saw our post, Lil' Buddy is coming home September 4th!)

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  14. I had goosebumps as I read this. I can't even begin to imagine how you felt during that time. I admire your faith and outlook on life.

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  15. Yes, I very much remember praying too - I was ecstatic to hear the good news when you were finally on your way!!! It is so good to look back and see the ever faithfulness of God!!!

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  16. I remember how awful those days were and how nervous I felt for you. It reminds me of how difficult, and sometimes scary, adoption can be.

    But as you said, its all worth it and it does make you appreciate the simple gift of being together...I think about that a lot.

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  17. I remember that time...you were so close, but the waiting just would not end. It's hard when we don't know how everything will turn out, but I remember your posts from that time and how you really did live out your faith in a difficult situation...and it encouraged me :) I am so glad that Josiah is in your arms now and that difficult month is just another memory and reminder of God's faithfulness.

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  18. Wow. I totally remember this too. It was shortly after Noah came home and I couldn't seem to find the time to blog then, but I still went on the Holt forums and I remember reading it there. My heart was truly breaking for you and I was so happy when that magical day finally came!

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  19. I so clearly remember that time... Wow. A year!

    Beautiful post Rachel.

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  20. I think your post really hits it on the head. Throughout the adoption process, as we wait for our children, there is always this underlying fear that something will happen. That this child which our heart has already claimed won't really be ours. And with each step we are ecstatic, and afraid. Because we are one step closer to having our child in our arms, and yet that makes us more vulnerable because the protective walls around our heart drop with each step forward. We hope, and yet are afraid.

    And I agree that the only way to conquer this is with Jesus! I remember crying when reading your post about waiting and the song about serving God, worshipping Him, while waiting. A great reminder for all of us that it is about God first.

    I remember last August. Thinking and praying for you all the time. Checking your blog daily to see if today was the day. Being so happy and relieved when you were on that plane to Korea. What a difference a year makes! With your child in your arms, you are still serving, still worshipping, and still waiting. But this time, waiting to see what God has planned for you next. Who knows what next year will bring?!

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  21. I totally remember your wait...and how worried I was for you. I couldn't imagine going through what you said. I'm impressed with your patience...even though I'm sure it was so difficult.

    Seems like yesterday...not a year ago. I'm so glad you finally (!!) got your call. We all wanted it to be YOUR turn to go to get Josiah.

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  22. Wow. It sure is amazing how we can look back at God's faithfulness. I didn't know about your blog back then, so I didn't get to be there and pray for you, but I will give thanks tonight for your family and where it has come. Si is the perfect fit.

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  23. oh, I remember last August too. I remember thinking how amazing you were... you handled that very stressful time with such grace and patience. I admired that so much! I am so happy that you will soon be celebrating 1 year with Josiah!!! :)

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  24. Oh Rachel, I remember your wait too. I remember you were waiting buddies with Janet and Joanna and they both went to Korea and came back and still you waited. My heart broke for you. I can certainly understand why you thought the worst. It's where your mind wanders when you are afraid. You have reminded us all about the importance of patience and faith. And thank God for beautiful Josiah who is ALL YOURS!!!

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  25. Your post is amazingly helpful to me right now as I wait for our referral. We've been waiting for almost 14 months and have had days where we feel there is no end in sight. We do know that this is in God's hands and that there is day already selected for when we will meet our child for the first time, but it's always nice to get a little reassurance from others. I'm sorry you had to wait so long but I know that when we finally have our little one, we will feel the same way...we would gladly do it all over again for him or her. So glad you get to go sit on your park bench with your son now. :)

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  26. thanks for sharing...i didn't know you back then but i can't imagine how difficult it would have been to wait 28 days after VI for TC. what a blessing as you share about the peace of Jesus through that time!

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  27. What an awful wait, but what a wonderful blessing Si is.

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  28. Wow yet another similarity! Our adoption went perfectly smooth until the very end. We got caught in end of the year employee turnover at the embassay. Also there was a typo on one of Lily's papers that had to be redone. Bottom line, we waited 8 extra weeks for that travel call!!! Brutal but sooooo worth it. I know you feel the same.

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  29. What a blessing to be at this end of the story and see how everything worked together so perfectly! I know it encourages many who have read about your journey to your sweet son.

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  30. I remember you and I getting excited that we would be in Korea together and then it kept not happening. It was so sad and confusing. But you have amazing faith and it clearly gets you through even the hardest times.

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  31. I remember last August, too. Even though I wasn't commenting, I was reading and waiting to see Si in your arms. What an encouragement you are to me, Rachel. I don't know how long we'll be waiting or what roadbumps are ahead but I know that Jesus will carry me through it. I'm so glad to know that my little one will be worth the wait...just like Si was!

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