Tuesday, October 9, 2012

31 Days to Shine :: Day 9, when your heart is heavy

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Today my heart felt as heavy as a brick. 

Thus I spent half the day on the couch in my pajamas reading 7 and eating Nutella toast. That only helped a little. 

I won't chat your ear off with the details, but I will say this. Last night I sat among a group of people who said things that were so unkind and unloving. They voiced opinions and plans that only meant withholding the gospel from others. It was in a roundabout way, yes, but withholding none the less. 

I was shocked and angry. I was embarrassed. I was ashamed that these people sitting across from me, these people that I truly love and spend hours with each week, these people that know better, would act this way. And they seemed perfectly fine with it. 

My jaw hit the floor, I'm certain of that. I tried to find the words, but they didn't come quickly enough. Maybe I said more than I should have. Maybe not enough. Maybe in a tone that wasn't the kindest. I don't know.

I do know that they carried on like everything was all wildflowers and rainbows. 

I went home with the world's biggest headache and tears stinging my eyes. 

You know what stinks? There are always going to be situations like this. Inside and outside of church walls. 

And I've come to realize that words and encouragement and correction can only go so far. It's not my job to change hearts. It's not my role and it's not within my power.

The Holy Spirit is the only one who can do that. 

Our role? 

Keep on keeping on. Keep shining. Show them with action, with words. Pray for changed hearts, opened eyes, and for selfishness to fade.

I am not perfect, y'all. Not even close. I fail again and again.

I sincerely hope that we all would use these situations as opportunities to take a good long look at our own hearts to see our faults, our own ugliness. And ask for forgiveness and change. 

I write all this to encourage you. For those times when you feel like you're surrounded by negativity and could fall into it, don't. For the times when your heart is heavy and you feel like you're standing alone, you aren't. He's got you. 

Don't let the actions and words of others discourage you from letting your light shine. 

Shine on, dear ones.



*To read the rest of the series, go here


6 comments:

  1. Praying for you, Rachel, that all is well. God has a plan. He is good, forgives all, and his love endures forever!

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  2. ufff. that is so hard, and i find myself falling into negativity sometimes, too. :/
    praying for you, rach.
    shine on, girlfriend! looks like God put you right in the middle of this at JUST the right time.
    he's so good like that.
    xoxo
    big hugs!

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  3. ug. hate it when that happens. so tough. esp feeling alone in that. thanks for your perfect words. well, Jesus is perfect and He gave those perfect words to you:)

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  4. Loved this post Rach. I have been completely slacking with blog reading let alone blog posting myself! :0P
    When this happens to me I always feel like I need a spirit bath to,wash the ugliness away. I wish I could snap my fingers in people's faces and suddenly they would say the right thing. Or change behavior. Or just.shut.the.mouth & listen. Sometimes it might be my need to be "snapped" at. What a wonderful reminder that NO, we can not change others, only ourself with the help of the perfect and patient TEACHER.

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  5. Just wanted to say I've been there. As a youth pastor's wife for 15 years, I've totally been there. We finished up the hardest year of our life from a ministry perspective when we changed ministries this past year, and I know it is not easy. Praying for enough grace to get you through those tough moments.

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  6. I am so sorry, Rachel. I don't think it's any coincidence you are having to go through this during a month of focusing on shining your light for Jesus and inspiring others to do the same. Keep shining!!

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